Nicole (anesthetics) wrote in medical,
Nicole
anesthetics
medical

Paralyzing Fear (sorry so long)

I've come across hard times financially and I had to move back in with my mother. She and I have always had a strained relationship, beyond what is normal. I've analyzed it enough to know this is not mother/ daughter bickering. I know my mom has some mental disorder that she will not acknowledge. I won't try to diagnose it.

Sunday night we got into a fight. Well, it was more like she was fighting and I couldn't stop laughing, even if I wanted to. Then, out of nowhere, I broke. I curled up into a ball on the floor and started shaking and drooling. I thought she had stabbed me because I could not move my upper torso at all. At some point my hands tensed up and I started having facial spasms and I imagine I looked like a combination of someone's with Bell's and Cerebral Palsy.

When I heard my mom speak, I crumpled up more and tried to make myself as small I could. I truly thought I was paralyzed because I had coherent thoughts but I could not move and there's no way in hell I'd lay in a pool of my own drool and snot by choice. I literally could not speak words regardless of how hard I tried. I could not physically bring my mouth to do what was necessary to form words.

My best friend came over and told me it was a panic attack. I came out of it about 4 hours later.

Then yesterday my friend and her goddaughter came over. Her goddaughter was jumping on the furniture and my mind immediately went to "Oh my god. My mom is going to rip me a new one." Then an attack started again. That one lasted about and hour.

Last night I went to go grab an aspirin because after 5 hours of being immobile I hurt heck of bad. I heard my mom speak and I went into again. Every time it happens, my hands come up to my chest and start shaking. I can move my legs but my upper torso won't do what I tell it to.

I'm terrified about how this will effect my work and life in general. The people in panic attack communities have said this seems either really extreme or not a panic attack at all. I looked up everything I could think of and I'm not sure at all. Please help if you can.
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